Guide
Funeral Planner: How to Write Down Your Final Wishes
Most families have to guess what a loved one wanted, and guess under stress. A funeral planner is simply a written record of your wishes and your practical details, kept where your family can find it. It does not need to be long, and you can finish a useful first version in an evening.
What a funeral planner should cover
- Burial or cremation. Your preference, and any place that matters to you, such as a family plot or a lake.
- Service. Religious or secular, public or private, who you would like to speak or read, and any music or readings.
- People. Who should be called first, who you would like as pallbearers or honorary pallbearers, and who should not be put in charge.
- Funeral home and prepaid plans. If you have already chosen a funeral home or paid in advance, write down the name, contact and where the contract is kept.
- Obituary. Basic facts, a photo you like and anything you want said or left out.
- Memorials. A charity for donations in your name, a cemetery, a marker or headstone.
- Veteran benefits. Where your discharge papers (DD-214) are kept, since they are needed for military honors and some burial benefits.
Practical details that save the most time
- Full legal name, date and place of birth, parents' names and Social Security number location (not the number itself). Funeral homes ask for these to file the death certificate.
- Where your will, healthcare directive and insurance policies are kept.
- Who has a key to your home and who will care for pets.
- Who to notify: relatives, friends, employer, faith community and clubs.
Costs and prepaying
US funeral homes must give you an itemized price list when you ask, and you are free to compare. Prepaying is a personal choice. If you prepay, keep the contract and ask what happens if you move or if the funeral home closes, because rules differ by state. Writing your wishes down costs nothing and works whether or not you prepay.
Where to keep it
A wishes page that nobody can find is not much help, and a safe-deposit box may be sealed in the first days when your family needs it. Keep the planner with your emergency binder, tell your executor and one other trusted person where it is, and review it once a year.
Start with the free tool
The free Emergency Binder Lite covers who to call and what your family should find first. The Funeral Planner & Final Wishes edition of The Paper Trail adds arrangements, a service plan, an obituary page and a 30 to 90 day list for your family.
Frequently asked questions
What is a funeral planner?
A written record of your wishes for a funeral or memorial and the practical details your family will need, such as who to call and where your documents are. It is an organizer, not a contract.
Do I have to prepay for my funeral?
No. Writing down your wishes costs nothing and works with or without a prepaid plan. If you prepay, keep the contract and ask what happens if you move or the funeral home closes, since rules vary by state.
Can I compare funeral home prices?
Yes. US funeral homes must give you an itemized price list when you ask, so you can compare before deciding.
Where should I keep my funeral wishes?
With your emergency binder, in a place your executor and one other trusted person know about. A safe-deposit box can be hard to open in the first days, so keep a copy of your wishes somewhere more accessible.
Does this replace a will?
No. Funeral wishes are not always legally binding the way a will is, and a will may not be read until after the funeral. Tell your family directly as well as writing it down.
AuraByRobbie sells The Paper Trail on Etsy. This guide is general information, not legal, tax, financial or medical advice.